HASH TRASH Vol 11, #310, 23 April 2000

Welcome all the new Hashers...  The last Hash must be the wettest one in history except the the famous one set by Bob & Jacky (J&B's) two years ago up at Maccabbe Forest...!!

It was good to see how many hardened Hashers we have...!!  I am sure if I was not helping to set the Easter Hash, I would have claimed to have a broken leg and stayed in BED...!!

Thanks Chris Bourke for volunteering to set the Hash. To quote Chris..."setting a Hash is almost as much fun as running it"...!!   It's easy, but we need more volunteers... there are plenty of people to help and show you how...!!

Thanks to Alan "Knit" Renton for the eggy games, and Julie for all her hard work boiling "nearly" all the eggs and painting them too...!!

Thanks all those who braved the great weather to bring the Booze, Ice, Easter Eggs, and all that Great FOOOOD...!!

Did you see our new "ICE BOXES"...??!! They get better every Hash...well done Peter...!!

Last but not least... Thanks for the "SMELLY BLUE T SHIRT...!!

ON. ON...!!
Supremous Blobus

First Timers
Welcome to the First Timers - HELA & REINHOLT -  from Brussels here on holiday;  ROBIN & ELIZABETH - from Yorkshire here on holiday at Uncle Bob & Auntie Jackie's;   BEN - from Yorkshire again on holiday staying with Rena & Geeta (possible Hash name of SUNSHINE due to the whiteness of legs):  JOSETTE KRIEFF - another of Blob's non English speaking girlfriends - working here and will be back!  

Second Timers
Husband and Wife team FROG & MRS BOBBIT took down-downs (not too many questions were asked about Mrs Bobbit).

Smelly Blue T-Shirt
A few tears were shed that this would be the second last time we would see the Smelly Blue, as the grand burial has been announced for the next Hash.

However Barclay (Fish & Chips) had great pleasure in handing Smelly Blue over  to Supremous Blobus for wimping out and coming home from the Hash in an Ambulance (Hans 4 x4).  Needless to say Supremous Blobus took his Down Down without too much persuasion!

Childrens Award
Vincent where are you?  

Religious Advisor/Sex Councilor
Our R.A. was just back from Scotland with a few tales to tell about Jimmy and his new girlfriend Mary and an Undertaker.

Also a quick reminder for Mad Hash T-shirts to be collected - Have a great trip folks!!

Special Down Downs
Due to an excess of beer (yes, excess even with Alan back drinking it after only nine days of the bet).  The Supreme Beings gave five Special Down Downs,

Chris for setting the Hash
Alan for not running the Hash due to Prickly Heat in his nether regions
Barclay for passing on Smelly Blue
Ben van Lit for being pissed the night before and spewing in his bin, then knocking his alarm clock in it
Gert for being Gert and German!

The all new - Games Master
Alan 'Knit' Renton, our Games Master, started with a seasonal Egg Throwing game.   Twelve brave Hashers endured the torrential rain and I think VAL should have won for the effort she put in (and for the eggs that landed on her), but eventual winners were Linda and
Sexy Shorts.

Hash Business
Thank you Geeta for all the great food!

Stand-in Edit Hares
A very big thank you to Anne and Alan Renton for scribing the last two Trash's.

Next Hash
#311, 07 May, 1000 hrs
Hare:   Alan 'Knit' Renton (thanks for being a last minute volunteer Alan!)

Directions:  The Hash is at Candos Hill in Candos and all Hashers should head for the Phoenix roundabout, look for Hash signs from there.  

Hare Line
#312, 21 May - Volunteers needed!
#313, 04 June - Ditto

Food Line
#311, 07 May - Alan and John
#312, 21 May - Volunteers needed!

Personality Profile
At last, we have one!  This Personality Profile says an awful lot about the writer!

'It sounded so simple and straightforward at the time.

"Send us your personality profile", said Father Christmas, as he stood swaying on the grassy knoll, beer can in hand and a predatory smile playing gently on his hirsute lips.

"Ok", I replied, through a fog of alcohol and altitude induced nausea, "no problem". I threw back my head, sucked in another mouthful of Phoenix Beer and looked around casually for the source of the wonderful smell of barbecued chicken that was wafting towards me from...THERE!

I stumbled to my feet - and immediately fell back to the ground in disgust, retching violently, as I was suddenly overcome by the odour of stale sweat, stale beer, stale.....God knows what.  My disgust soon turned to self loathing, as I slowly realised that this new odour was emanating from - ME!

Or rather, from my nice new yellow Polo Shirt.

"That's not a Polo shirt, that's a T-shirt", said Alice, as she unwrapped an apple from a large red spotted handkerchief, and fed it to the hare sitting beside her.

"AND... it's not yellow, it's BLUE!", chimed in the hare, in what I thought was a rather supercilious manner.

"You're MAD", I cried, a tremor of self doubt in my voice.

"I may be mad,", replied the hare, "but I don't go panting around mountain tops on hot sunny afternoons, like YOU!".

And with that, he and Alice jumped through the Looking Glass.

When I came to in my nice soft bed the next morning, I realised that of course, it had all been a dream!   A horrible, horrible dream! Father Christmas drinking beer, yellow T shirts that everybody thinks are blue, panting up hillsides through knee high scrub, beer pouring over my head......

Of course, a horrible dream.

....and then, that voice came floating back to me, chanting that haunting, enigmatic phrase....

"Send us your personality profile!"

What the ***K IS A PERSONALITY PROFILE??????????  :)'


Supreme Beings
Blob Latimer (6963815) & Kevin Murray (7210576)
Trailmaster:  Lord Russell
Cellarmaster:  John & Julie
Hash Horn:  Tony 'Barnacle Bill' Ward
Religious Adv/Sex Councilor:  Leslie Nimmo
Barbecue Bearer:  Dave 'Shorty' Colbert
Ice Maiden:  ???
Ha$h Ca$h:  
Dave 'Shorty' Colbert
Drinks for Wimps 'n Kids:  John & Julie
Web Meister:  Alan Oliphant
Website:  http://www.mhash.com
Edit Hare:  Wendy Austin (6257399)