HASH TRASH Vol 12 #315,
02 July 2000
The HArSH Critique by Barclay 'Fish'
Before Sunday's Hash, I was beginning to forget that we're the MAURITIUS Hash
House Harriers. All those boring Hashes that we've been having
recently along golden sandy beaches, with the surf pounding lazily on distant
tropical coral reef, or Hashing across boring old mountain tops with nothing to
see but lush, beautiful, tropical green hillsides, emerald and azure ocean
and deep blue sky reaching all the way to heaven.
"What about some Sugar Cane?" I remember pleading. "What we need
is a damn good Hash through some cane fields!"
So thank God for the Anglo-Dutch effort on Sunday. (OK, I know Alan is largely
Scottish, but how can I write "Scotto-Dutch", for God's sake?
Everybody would laugh at me! QUIET at the back there!) Now where was I? Oh yes,
complaining about the shortage of sugar cane.
So on Sunday, wasn't it nice to gaze around in awe, humility and wonderment as
you stumbled humbly yet stoically across our island.
On the outward leg, on his left, the observant Hasher will have noticed - an
impenetrable wall of sugar cane stretching to the horizon and beyond. On his
right he will have noticed - an impenetrable wall of sugar cane stretching to
the horizon and beyond. Behind him, miles of sugar cane stretching to the
horizon and beyond. Ahead of him - sugar cane.stretching to the horizon and
beyond. Further into the Hash, Hans and Alan thoughtfully arranged a special
detour in order to bring the Hash into closer commune with some sugar cane
fields. (Actually a number of detours, if my sources are correct, for I was
elsewhere tHrASHing through sugar cane fields, trying to find the Hash).
Oh, the tales I heard of Hashers lifting their eyes heavenward to gaze in awe at
the thick blanket of cane fronds waving gently in the breeze above them,
thankfully obscuring the expanse of blue (and mucky grey) sky beyond.
As a Dutchman, it must have been almost enough to take your mind off all those
missed penalties! As an Anglo-Scot, well, it serves you right for setting a Hash
with a Dutchman!
So well done lads! Let's not forget who we are huh? Let's not forget our roots!
Or our stalks! Or our cane leaves! Let's not forget the chorus of our old
traditional Mauritius Hash House Harriers anthem learned at our grandmother's
knee so many years ago.
It goes something like this, vaguely sung to the tune of something that sounds
as if it should be something from a Gilbert and Sullivan opera:
We're the Mauritius Hash House Harriers,
And we like to hash through cane,
Then we turn a-bout,
And Hash back out,
Then we Hash back through a-gain!
We're the Mauritius Hash House Harriers,
And we like to Hash up hills,
Then we turn around,
And Hash back down,
That's how we get our thrills!
Verse 2 (softly)
And those of us who Hash home latterly,
With our nature loving chums,
We like to watch for birds,
And old dog turds,
And the lady Hasher's bums!
Oh well, it takes all sorts to make a Hash!
Lastly, I thought that a rating system would be a good idea for future Hashes.
Here's the criteria, together with my ratings for Sunday's Hash. (Maximum 5
Chances of finding the Rendezvous point without Satellite Navigation, or a
native scout: *
Chances of your skeleton being found in 10 years time in the middle of a cane
Chances of catching an unidentifiable disease from the rubbish you hashed over:
More criteria will be added, as I think of them. And every Hash will of course
be judged in my usual fair and unbiased manner, avoiding personal attacks and
giving credit where it's due. (But don't hold your breath.)
And REALLY lastly, don't you just HATE people with an idyllic home on a
Welcome to Stephane Jequece; Andy, Rose and Andrew Frost; Sheila Perdrau,
Angie Botha and Valerie & Justin Bell (visiting from The Netherlands).
See you all at the next one!
Good to see them back again - Michelle 'MaBelle' who will be given
another chance to get her Down Down right at the next Hash NB You do NOT
throw it all on the ground!; Gary 'Pampers' - got his Down Down right
Pat 'Rickshaw' Knox just could not bear to part with the Smelly Blue so
left it at home - a Down Down was an easy punishment for this experienced
Can someone please bring this back - hello Suzi, you seem to be the last
Jimmy is still on holidays.
Thank you Alan for entertaining us yet again with your potato chips and
Special Down Downs
Andreas 'Lolita' for being the last to arrive - he went to Tamarin and
wondered why the rest of us weren't there too.
Andy Frost for committing one of the biggest Hash sins you could ever do by
wearing NEW SHOES. Joined by Supreme Cupid with his other shoe for trying
to blame someone else for not warning him.
A well deserved Down Down to the Hares, Hans, Alan and little Hare Iain for a
great Hash which was definitely not short, flat or dry!
Many thanks to Fiona and Russell and helpers for all that great food!
#316, 16 July - Leslie and Chris
Directions: Next Hash will be at the Black River Gorges
For most people coming from North and Central Mauritius will be to come via
Quatre Bornes thro' Palma towards Tamarin. Heading south on the coast road go
thro' Tamarin and Black River Village until the left turn signed for the Black
River National Park (almost opposite a large Chinese Restaurant called Pavillon
de Chine). Follow the access road for quite a distance through sugar cane fields
and fenced woodland until you come to the landscaped carpark. We will be using
the extreme right hand side, just as you come in for our Down Downs - leave a
space when parking.
Good news, especially for the ladies - the Information Centre is now open -
toilets, etc and information leaflets and maps. On. On.
#317, 30 July - Jacques and Bob
#318, 13 August - Volunteers needed - we can help you set the Hash, don't be shy
#316, 16 July - Jan and Adrian Rhodes
#317, 30 July - Rosemarie and Geeta
#318, 13 August - Volunteers needed
Get your pie order to Brigitte Murray in time for delivery at the
next Hash - email to email@example.com
Would Hashers who receive the Trash by post, please send your
current details - name, partners name, residential address, telephone numbers
including home and mobile, to Edit Hare. This information is required to
update our records and if you do not respond your name will be scrubbed from the
list!! Please note, this information will not be given to anyone else.
Rosemarie and Jacques Domaingue have a small fully furnished two bedroom house
with all amenities (phone, washing machine, TV, video etc) to let in Vacoas . It
would suit a single person or a couple . It is actually in their garden at River
Walk, but is completely separate from them, and has its own garden. Enquiries
to Domaingue at 696 3994.
Blob Latimer (6963815) & Kevin Murray (7210576)
Trailmaster: Lord Russell
Cellarmaster: John & Julie
Hash Horn: Tony 'Barnacle Bill' Ward
Religious Adv/Sex Councilor: Leslie Nimmo
Barbecue Bearer: Dave 'Shorty' Colbert
Ice Maiden: Peter Attig
Ha$h Ca$h: Dave 'Shorty' Colbert
Drinks for Wimps 'n Kids: Lord & Lady Russell
Hash Market: Anne & Alan Renton
Gamesmaster: Alan 'Knit' Renton
Web Meister: Alan Oliphant
Edit Hare: Wendy Austin (6257399) firstname.lastname@example.org