HASH TRASH  Vol 12 #315, 02 July 2000


The HArSH Critique by Barclay 'Fish' Miller

Before Sunday's Hash, I was beginning to forget that we're the MAURITIUS Hash House Harriers.   All those boring Hashes that we've been having recently along golden sandy beaches, with the surf pounding lazily on distant tropical coral reef, or Hashing across boring old mountain tops with nothing to see but lush, beautiful, tropical green hillsides, emerald and azure ocean  and deep blue sky reaching all the way to heaven.

"What about some Sugar Cane?" I remember pleading. "What we need is a damn good Hash through some cane fields!"

So thank God for the Anglo-Dutch effort on Sunday. (OK, I know Alan is largely Scottish, but how can I write "Scotto-Dutch", for God's sake? Everybody would laugh at me! QUIET at the back there!) Now where was I? Oh yes, complaining about the shortage of sugar cane.

So on Sunday, wasn't it nice to gaze around in awe, humility and wonderment as you stumbled humbly yet stoically across our island.

On the outward leg, on his left, the observant Hasher will have noticed - an impenetrable wall of sugar cane stretching to the horizon and beyond. On his right he will have noticed - an impenetrable wall of sugar cane stretching to the horizon and beyond. Behind him, miles of sugar  cane stretching to the horizon and beyond. Ahead of him - sugar cane.stretching to the horizon and beyond. Further into the Hash, Hans and Alan thoughtfully arranged a special detour in order to bring the Hash into closer commune with some sugar cane fields. (Actually a number of detours, if my sources are correct, for I was elsewhere tHrASHing through  sugar cane fields, trying to find the Hash). Oh, the tales I heard of Hashers lifting their eyes heavenward to gaze in awe at the thick blanket of cane fronds waving gently in the breeze above them, thankfully obscuring the expanse of blue (and mucky grey) sky beyond.

As a Dutchman, it must have been almost enough to take your mind off all those missed penalties! As an Anglo-Scot, well, it serves you right for setting a Hash with a Dutchman!

So well done lads! Let's not forget who we are huh? Let's not forget our roots! Or our stalks! Or our cane leaves! Let's not forget the chorus of our old traditional Mauritius Hash House Harriers anthem learned at our grandmother's knee so many years ago.

It goes something like this, vaguely sung to the tune of something that sounds as if it should be something from a Gilbert and Sullivan opera:

Chorus:        
We're the Mauritius Hash House Harriers,
And we like to hash through cane,
Then we turn a-bout,
And Hash back out,
Then we Hash back through a-gain!

Verse 1
We're the Mauritius Hash House Harriers,
And we like to Hash up hills,
Then we turn around,
And Hash back down,
That's how we get our thrills!

Verse 2 (softly)
And those of us who Hash home latterly,
With our nature loving chums,
We like to watch for birds,
And old dog turds,
And the lady Hasher's bums!

Oh well, it takes all sorts to make a Hash!

Lastly, I thought that a rating system would be a good idea for future Hashes. Here's the criteria, together with my ratings for Sunday's Hash. (Maximum 5 stars.)

Chances of finding the Rendezvous point without Satellite Navigation, or a native scout:    *
Chances of your skeleton being found in 10 years time in the middle of a cane field:    *****
Chances of catching an unidentifiable disease from the rubbish you hashed over:        **

More criteria will be added, as I think of them. And every Hash will of course be judged in my usual fair and unbiased manner, avoiding personal attacks and giving credit where it's due. (But don't hold your breath.)

And REALLY lastly, don't you just HATE people with an idyllic home on a beautiful beachfront?
On! On!

First Timers
Welcome to Stephane Jequece; Andy, Rose and Andrew Frost; Sheila Perdrau, Angie Botha and Valerie & Justin Bell (visiting from The Netherlands).  See you all at the next one!

Second Timers
Good to see them back again - Michelle 'MaBelle' who will be given another chance to get her Down Down right at the next Hash NB  You do NOT throw it all on the ground!;  Gary 'Pampers' - got his Down Down right first go.

Smelly Blue
Pat 'Rickshaw' Knox just could not bear to part with the Smelly Blue so left it at home - a Down Down was an easy punishment for this experienced Hasher.  

Children's Award
Can someone please bring this back - hello Suzi, you seem to be the last recorded recipient.

RA/Sex Councillor
Jimmy is still on holidays.

Games Master
Thank you Alan for entertaining us yet again with your potato chips and beer game.

Special Down Downs
Andreas 'Lolita' for being the last to arrive - he went to Tamarin and wondered why the rest of us weren't there too.
Andy Frost for committing one of the biggest Hash sins you could ever do by wearing NEW SHOES.  Joined by Supreme Cupid with his other shoe for trying to blame someone else for not warning him.
A well deserved Down Down to the Hares, Hans, Alan and little Hare Iain for a great Hash which was definitely not short, flat or dry!

Hash Food
Many thanks to Fiona and Russell and helpers for all that great food!

Next Hash
#316, 16 July - Leslie and Chris

Directions:  Next Hash will be at the Black River Gorges National Park.

For most people coming from North and Central Mauritius will be to come via Quatre Bornes thro' Palma towards Tamarin. Heading south on the coast road go thro' Tamarin and Black River Village until the left turn signed for the Black River National Park (almost opposite a large Chinese Restaurant called Pavillon de Chine). Follow the access road for quite a distance through sugar cane fields and fenced woodland until you come to the landscaped carpark. We will be using the extreme right hand side, just as you come in for our Down Downs - leave a space when parking.  

Good news, especially for the ladies - the Information Centre is now open - toilets, etc and information leaflets and maps.  On. On.

Hare Line
#317, 30 July - Jacques and Bob
#318, 13 August - Volunteers needed - we can help you set the Hash, don't be shy

Food Line
#316, 16 July - Jan and Adrian Rhodes
#317, 30 July - Rosemarie and Geeta
#318, 13 August - Volunteers needed

Extras
Get your pie order to Brigitte Murray in time for delivery at the next Hash - email to kmurray@intnet.mu

Would Hashers who receive the Trash by post, please send your current details - name, partners name, residential address, telephone numbers including home and mobile, to Edit Hare.  This information is required to update our records and if you do not respond your name will be scrubbed from the list!!  Please note, this information will not be given to anyone else.

Rosemarie and Jacques Domaingue have a small fully furnished two bedroom house with all amenities (phone, washing machine, TV, video etc) to let in Vacoas . It would suit a single person or a couple . It is actually in their garden at River Walk, but is completely separate from them, and has its own garden.   Enquiries to Domaingue at 696 3994.   


HASH MISH-MANAGEMENT
Supreme Beings
Blob Latimer (6963815) & Kevin Murray (7210576)
Trailmaster:  Lord Russell
Cellarmaster:  John & Julie
Hash Horn:  Tony 'Barnacle Bill' Ward
Religious Adv/Sex Councilor:  Leslie Nimmo
Barbecue Bearer:  Dave 'Shorty' Colbert
Ice Maiden:  Peter Attig
Ha$h Ca$h:  Dave 'Shorty' Colbert
Drinks for Wimps 'n Kids:  Lord & Lady Russell
Hash Market:  Anne & Alan Renton
Gamesmaster:  Alan 'Knit' Renton
Web Meister:  Alan Oliphant
Website:  http://www.mhash.com
Edit Hare:  Wendy Austin (6257399)  auswin@intnet.mu