25 January 2004
“The Hash where Eric showed us his helmet”
Trianon Racing Club
Sarah Young. Sarah’s shorts were too long. When asked if she would
return she replied politely, “If you’ll have me.” For
some reason she reminded me of Martini.
Gaetan Serret. Gaetan was charm personified. He said very nice things
about us and deserves to have something nice said about him. Oh well,
never mind, life is tough sometimes. Still, his wife’s lovely.
Fanny Adams, back again this week. Leslie helped with her down-down.
Sofia, Jaya, Varun, Anna, Riner, Jaya, Gita, and Tom: always a pleasure
to see lambs return to the flock (alter?).
This was Gilbert’s first time as a hare. He was, as it were, a
hare virgin. Well this is the tale of how Gilbert lost his cherry…in
First of all when we arrived Gilbert was out on the trail still laying
it after 2½ hours. Impressive! Pascale stayed behind relaying messages
from Gilbert that we could start as he had finished the start and was
starting the finish and would be finished well before we had finished
the start, or was that started the finish, or was it stinished the fa…no,
that definitely can’t be right. Who cares? On On. We were soon on
the trail, pounding through some good scrub and nearly getting lost a
couple of times.
We knew we were in for a good ’un when we reached the stream and
found Gilbert on the other side looking pleased with himself. The water
was knee high for a tall bloke and much more exciting for the shorter
women. No sooner were we all soaked through than half the hash was standing
around at the next box, mooching about and looking guiltier than Monica
Lewinsky smoking a cigar. They were hiding a back-check! Back on track
the trail divided between walkers, who strolled leisurely back, and runners,
who took a long detour out into the dry, hot cane fields.. There were
now 3 FRB’s with others pushing them hard from behind. Towards the
end there was one last cruel hill. The Hustler was true to his name –
he came first having sneakily saved a bit of stamina for that last extra
We all agreed it was a top hash at an excellent venue. Well done Gilbert
– you may take pride in the fact that you single-handedly brought
pleasure to over 40 people simultaneously.
The further adventures of “Jimmy”
In episode one last time Jimmy got hit by a bus caused by lack of alcohol
(makes no sense to me either) and this week Captain Fabulous, el presidenté,
told us about the Vicar and Jimmy’s nuts which had had all the chocolate
licked off them. I don’t think that’s one they teach them
at theological college.
Welcome back to our RA, Patrice. He singled out:
Claude for being caught having too much speed...in his car...while driving.
Sandip for spending too much time near a computer and so obviously being
Camping 12 March 2004
Blob told us again about this camp he’s organising on 12 March 2004,
National Day, at La Cambuse, and asked me to put something in the write-up
thus demonstrating that he never bothers to read the hash-trash in which
I gave this event a plug last time. Right. Blob, you look like a bulldog
licking bleach off nettles and smell worse than its bottom after a pedigree
chum vindaloo washed down with 9 pints of strong beer. That’ll learn
Strong On grovelled for having tossed the dodo at the last hash. (Probably
what killed it). This time he presented it to little Leslie-Anne who,
with a perception far beyond her years, had asked him on his return from
the hash “Are you a runner?”
The Vikings are coming…
A brief mention out of deference to my home country. It seems that the
Scandinavians, and particularly the Danes, are able to export to Britain
a commodity which the British purportedly lack. If you ask me, this is
just something disseminated by the Danes because they have too much free
time on their hands. I said so at the time, although not in those words.
We were presented by our new Grandmaster with a new smelly blue. The old
one will be taken to Nobby the butcher to be vacuum-packed for posterity.
I kid you not. We might even enter it for next year’s Turner Prize.
The new Smelly Blue is a confusing garment. First, to the utter and complete
bewilderment of all those present, it is blue. Second, it has the words
“Smelly Blue” printed on it, as though we might find it difficult
to identify a vile-smelling, dung-encrusted, sweat-soaked, litter-covered
ragged T-shirt which even the flies try and avoid. Last, it is, or I should
say, was - not smelly. Cue victim – Varun – and beer-bath.
Next Hash 8 Feb 2004
Midlands Dam: Hare- Rey Joseph: Food Sybil
And finally…Eric’s helmet.
It was big, hard, yellow and a marvel of modern engineering. Eric “Hot
Dog” Maard had been given the task of producing for the hash a time
and labour saving drinking device. The result of Eric’s endeavours
would have made Isembard Kingdom Brunel retire to some private area for
10 minutes or so.
To construct the Maard Marvel you will need.
Hat, hard, 1 off
Bottles, plastic, 2 off,
Tubes, plastic, 2 off,
Velcro strapping, lengths of, 2 off
“Party hat” (ahem), 1 off, (more if you think you might get
Beers, for the drinking of, no you can’t have mine, naff off
Directions for use:
Attach bottle “A” to Hard-hat with 1 length of strapping.
Insert one end of Tube “A” into bottle “A” and
secure in place. Leave other end free.
As every chap knows there comes a point in the beer drinking process when
input must be counterbalanced by output. And this is where the Maard genius
Attach bottle “B” to your upper thigh with the other length
Connect one end of Tube “B” to bottle “B”.
Ask a responsible person to snip off the end of (ahem) “party hat”.
Obviously, as a hasher you are not a responsible person and not to be
trusted around any sharp objects.
Secure other end of tube “B” to “party hat”, preferably
unused, and secure “party hat” to the old chap. It’s
not essential for someone to lend you a hand with this part of the process,
but why waste a good opportunity?
1. Ensure bottle B is properly fastened and connected.
2. Fill bottle A with beer.
3. Place Hard-hat on head.
4. Insert free end of tube A into your drinking orifice.
5. Drink beer.
6. When bottle A is empty repeat steps 2-5 inclusive.
7. Continue process happy in the knowledge that bottle B, while still
partially empty ensures hours of carefree drinking.
Voila: you are now able to drink your beer at all times safely, in comfort,
and without ever having to lose your place on the hash. Now we just need
to patent it.
The eagle-eyed amongst you may have noticed a link to www.africahash.co.za/ah2005
concerning the 2005 Interhash. Only trouble is that all the relevant
information on the site is - and I quote – “not ready yet.”
Now that’s proper Hash Mish-Management!
||Hares - Area
||Gilbert & Pascale - Trianon
||Rey - Midlands Dam
||Etienne, Mireille, Gilbert F.
||Alan & Sarah
1. Would hashers please note that there is a deposit (money) on glass
bottles (beer, softies)! Please do not throw them away, leave them on
the beach or with the rubbish (or even take them
2. Walks take place on most Sundays when there is no Hash. See the
"Friendly walks" page for
| HASH MISH-MANAGEMENT
|Hare Line +
"Strong on" Grihault
||Andy "The Hustler"
|Drinks for Wimps 'n Kids:
White" & David "Shorty" Colbert
|Always willing deputy Edit
Russell( www.bob-russell.net )