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Mauritius Hash House Harriers
Hash Trash 607 - Sunday 23 October 2011
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VENUE: Parc aux Cerfs
HARES: Jean Paul
A RAMBLE WITH THE RABBLE
The keepers of the meteorological flame smiled
benevolently on this Hash Sunday & graciously bequeathed a delightfully
sun-kissed morning for the enduringly faithful to congregate at the Parc Aux Cerfs for another
episode of casual botanical exploration.
The captivating honeydew dawn proved too much of a temptation for the
Scribe to overlook the opportunity of unchaining his miniature Penny Farthing for
the testing uphill route from the principality of Beau Bassinl. At times he felt a lot like that esteemed
Carthaginian, Hannibal dragging his elephants along the unforgiving Alpine
slopes…but it was with an enormous sense of accomplishment that the Scribe
eventually reached the destination - the ligne droite finale from the fire station appeared to be
significantly longer than the 2 kilometres as
brazenly indicated by the directions posted on the website. The Hash sign pointing to Park Aux Cerfs was indeed a welcome relief although the Scribe
became momentarily bewildered when he was aurally submerged by a cacophony of furious,
unhinged dog-shaped animals howling like they were the dreaded Hounds of the
Baskerville (which caused the Scribe to muse that it should be renamed Parc Aux Chiens). Hopelessly
incarcerated in their private cages, it seemed that the agitated K9’s sensed
that they were about to be dogmarched to the
vivisectionists to undergo some surgical experiment that had the purpose of
advancing medical science. The pungent
aroma of rectal discharge in the vicinity of the cages seemed to add flavor to
this suggestion.
The Scribe did have the intention of paying closer
attention to the more aesthetically pleasing nuances of the trail so that he
could report on Mother Nature’s natural beauty in the Trash but he might as
well have been blindfolded because anything that may have been worth noting
proved elusive to his feeble powers of observation. However, judging by the unanimous
appreciation shown by the assembled contingent, it is virtually certain that it
was a high quality multi-topographical trail masterfully set by ex MCB banker, Jean
Paul, ably aided & abetted by the GM himself. At one point, the Scribe did recall that the
path was strewn with anemic brown-tinted leaves which gave the scene the
ambience of a British autumnal morning
(apart from the temperature of course).
The roll call of first timers who shared in the splendour of our community spirit was –
1)Adrian – who I believe was brought by Gregory (if my unintelligible notes
are correct)
2)Annik – a resident of Quatre Bornes invited by Nadine
3)Alexander – hailing from the Eternal city of Chebel,
was invited by Juliette
Our second timers, who bravely ventured where even
the angels fear tread, were duly indoctrinated into the Hash brotherhood by way
of the customary liquor reward.
Our reverential saviour of civilization
(i.e. the R.A.) took to the stage with a tale of a bachelor Hasher who had
trouble choosing a wife from 3 visually appealing candidates &, to assist
in the selection process, he gave each one a donation of Rp
50,000 to see what they did with money.
The first lady went to a Tamarin beauty salon
for a makeover consisting
of trendy make up, manicure, a pedicure & an extremely vivacious hair
style. To prove the depth of her unfettered love for
him, she also dropped by Body and Soul to buy several slinky sexy garments so
that she could look her irresistible lynxian best for
her suitor, a gesture which impressed the bachelor so much that mini-tremors
erupted in his groin region. The
second lady opted to buy her man a plethora of gifts – golf clubs, computer
accessories & tasteful expensive clothes.
She told him that she had bought all these goodies because she loved him. Although the bachelor was computer
illiterate, he was still touched by her selflessness although no visible
movements could be detected below the waistline. The third lady invested the
money in shares of an emerging hi-tech firm which soon afterwards announced
that they had signed a multi million dollar deal to
supply the Apple Corporation with key iCloud-friendly
applications. The stock price
skyrocketed & the lady sold her equity holding bagging windfall profits of 725% in the
process. She returned the Rp 50,000 to the bachelor & re-invested the remainder
in a high interest yielding savings account.
Of course, she told the bachelor that she had wanted to save for their
future because she loved him so much.
The bachelor was again impressed & retired to the privacy of his
own thoughts to duly evaluate the 3 marital candidates. He thought long & hard about what the
ladies had done with the money; he lay awake all night wrestling with his
thoughts until eventually at first light the decision dawned on him....he would
marry the one with biggest boobs! Undeniably,
a mammorable story, which may just have been somewhat
autobiographical except that it is likely that 2 of the potential brides would
have been, at best, imaginary girlfriends or, at worst, exceedingly desperate masculine looking Eastern European nubiles,
most probably a couple of Czechoslovakian hammer throwers.
The R.A.(who incidentally was dressed in a hideously
appointed pair of surfing shorts that would have made the absent “King of the
Fashion Victims” Harold green with envy), then gave Down Downs to
1)Marie Andre – the glamorous grandmother of Noah on account of the
latter’s media stardom by featuring on MCB advertorials. I suspect that an element of nepotism has been at work since
the Noah’s mother, Veronique, is a leading mover & shaker of the bank’s
marketing activities. The proxyee showed her patent dislike for Phoenix by pouring
almost the entire contents of the tankard down the back of the poor R.A. (who
must have wished he did not single her out for attention)
2)Girish – for eventually passing his driving test after many failed
attempts. The venerable Hash Horn will
no longer walk miles to the Hash site each alternate Sunday now that he boasts
a mode of transport to reflect third millennium expectations. It seems that this more sedentary activity
has already led to the Hash Horn adding extra unwanted pounds to his body
weight because when he planted his ample expanding rear end on one of the wooden
benches, the frame broke with alarming ease.
That same bench had earlier bore the combined kilograms of Leslie &
Alan without the merest flinch.
3)Rosine – for displaying the courage to return to the Hash but as she
flatly refused to drink beer, the R.A. preferred to drink it himself rather
than have to endure another froth broth over his back.
4)Vincent – for wearing odd coloured
socks (one blue & one black) which he had carefully smuggled into his back
pocket. The Scribe is ashamed to report
that even this apparent Alpha male bejeweled in menacing tattoos had the
affront to throw his beer away rather than drink it like the macho man that his
image seems to portray – somewhere there is a female gene waiting to break free
5)Captain Nimmo & Alain Robert for doing what they normally do by walking
the entire trail. Alain brandished a
large wet deposit on the front of his shorts & had obviously forgot to put
on his incontinence pants before setting off in the morning.
Barely 3 months into his Presidency & our GM is
becoming a popular
Icon among an eclectic section of the Hash faithful so much so
that he seems to be commanding the hushed reverence usually accorded to Saints
who perform miracles, statues that leak milk & shrouds with stains. These devout disciples took the liberty of
passing around a collection plate to buy him a new Hash branded shorts to
replace the pair which had faded with the passing of time & which looked to
be in need of summary incineration.
Although the restless hoard begged him to change his apparel in their
presence, he was too diffident to oblige probably not wishing his manhood to be
the subject of unbridled laughter.
Dodocop then thrust himself forward in the manner of a boxing MC to declare
the contenders for the deserved recipient of the Cow Bell. His first nomination was Lord Grihault who got lost on his own directions that he had
posted on the website & had to phone the Dodocop
himself for rescue. The Scribe rather
suspects that the detour was craftily pre-meditated by the TV celebrity so that
he could have his majestic Dodo privately examined in the comfort of the back
seat of his TIIDA. Dodocop’s
second nomination was Rosine for simply having the courage to return to the
Hash but the award finally went to Matthieu for his
athletic cerf-like front running exploits, hoping
that the bell would slow him down the next time.
THOUGHT FOR THE FORTNIGHT
if you buy a chair
for your mother-in-law you must first ensure that you will be allowed to plug
it in.
THE LAST WORD
In which The Scribe asks a Hash member a series of
questions that attempts to uncover a sequence of useless personal facts. Today’s victim in the hot seat – the
multi-award winning athlete & renowned polyglot, that fair damsel commonly
known as MADAME KAY FARROW –
1)
Who was your childhood hero?
Emma Peel of the Avengers. (mine too but probably for different reasons)
2)
What was your earliest
childhood memory?
Somebody being sick on
my friend’s head in assembly at primary school.
3)
What do you consider to be your
greatest personal achievement?
Producing my two
amazing children, Richard and Alison.(Amazing that they
emerged in human form)
4)
Who is
your favourite actor & favourite
actress?
Dame
Maggie Smith and Rowan Atkinson.
5)
When was the last time you got
into a fight?
Ladies don’t get into fights!!!!! ( You should visit
the Torrey area in Aberdeen….)
6)
Have you ever smoked dope or
taken drugs?
Smoking is a
disgusting habit. Ladies don’t smoke or take drugs!!!!!! (You should visit the Torrey area in
Aberdeen….) (However I do have an addiction to chocolate.
7)
Name 2 people that you would
like to have a conversation with (& why)?
John Cabrelli to ask
him why he chose such dull questions and Leslie Nimmo to find out why he didn’t
reply causing me to be interrogated instead. (It is like a stake through the Scribe’s heart to suddenly have to
come to terms with the fact that he is dull)
8)
When was the last time you went
to church?
I had a look round St
Gabriel’s on the Hash trip to Rodrigues last year when we stopped there for
lunch.
9)
Who is your favourite
musician/s?
I like a wide range of
music but don’t have any favourite musicians.
I’m listening to Neil Young a lot at the minute. (Hopefully not his unvintage 80’s output when
he went experimenting with synthesisers & vocoders, eventually going completely off the rails by
doing a rockabilly album)
10)
What would be the last thing
you do if you thought the world was ending?
Struggle to think of
what to do. (Not even kiss her husband
goodbye?!!!)
THE (WOUNDED) SCRIBE