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Mauritius Hash House HarriersHash Trash 612 - Sunday 08 January 2012 |
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Well, star date two thousand and twelve has finally made itself known to the entire inhabitants of this mercurial mortal coil & we seem to be darting through the third century
like Usain Bolt darts through his 100 metre sprints. It is pertinent to pause for breath and dispel the overindulgences of the festive season by solemnly reflecting on the traditional
New Year's resolutions of self improvement pledges that invariably go astray soon after.
A leading Happiness Guru (yes you read it right) was recently quoted in a UK-based national
newspaper as saying that New Years resolutions are typically seen as hard work & difficult to maintain.; although they are good for us, they are not much fun and do not necessarily
make us happy, particularly if these resolutions deal with dieting & keeping fit.
As an alternative, this eminent psyochbabbler recommended the following 10 resolutions for a happier 2012 -
So there you go folks - the secret to happiness. I seriously suspect that this guru is probably a failed psychotherapist who still lives with his mother & stays in a basement room all day wearing a balaclava, thumbing through his vast collection of literature to dredge up the next self-help fad. It is indeed a mystery how these alleged lifestyle experts manage to make a living out of their vocation; there surely cannot so many disenfranchised, vulnerable individuals trapped in the vortex of despair who are willing to seek the help of these specialist coaches; I guess that if these megalomaniacal insincere TV evangelists are able to become impossibly wealthy on the back of lost souls seeking solace in the truth of faith, anything is possible.
For the first adventure of 2012, a vibrant number of ardent Hashers shook off the post Xmas blues & convened at a fairly congested car park in the vicinity of Bras D'Eau along with a platoon
of mosquitos which forced many of the faithful to rub/spray mosquito repellant on their exposed parts.
The trail was set by the mysterious woodland werewolf the Hash Horn, Girish who may have been up all night rummaging the forest and setting the trail with solitary zeal. He may also have set
the trail minus torchlamp judging by his twin set of heavily bandaged knees which are likely to have been scratched & torn by excessive crawling around in the foliage. However, the midnight
rambling certainly paid off as we were suitably treated to an excellent course which spanned varied terrain.
The final section involved a deft, tricky passage over volcanic rocks which slowed
down the front running bastards & allowed the back markers to catch up with the head of the peloton.
At the circle, the GM awarded a down down to Girish for a trail that heralded an excellent start to 2012 & also invited a family of first timers to introduce themselves to the mob -
Gregoire - from Beau Bassin & is Edwin's brother
Marilyne - wife of the above
Audrey - daughter of the above
Letitia - another daughter of the above
Divia -a niece of the above
With no second timers in attendance it was left for the GM to perform his punishment from the green plastic urination mug which he did with some style & with little regard to the bacteria-rich
algae that had made a home on the bottom of the drinking vessel.
The GM also welcomed back lapsed brethren, the duet of Tim & Marie Cartwright who were last spotted at the 2010 Red Dress
festivities when the former wore a daring red micro mini skirt with matching skin tight underwear that left nothing to the imagination.
And then an expectant buzz filled the air as the crowd triumphantly welcomed back (well at least the Scribe did) the Religious & Sex Advisor who confidently took to the podium like a delirious peacock on an ego trip, happy to deliver his wisdom after a long & unwarranted absence.
He related the cautionary tale of a young couple with an adorable child who visited their local priest about baptism formalities. However, the priest was very aware that they had not attended
church for over a year & had heard on the grapevine that they were now spending the Sabbath regaling in the secular virtues of the Hash House Harriers.
The cleric then told Ryan & Delinda that
to prove their sincerity towards their faith, they had to perform an act of penance namely to abstain from making love for a period of 30 days.
The couple agreed to the sacrifice with
Ryan being especially relieved at this time out so that he could devote the rest period to prepare a CD of indie favourites in an unplayable MP3 format for his unrequited soul mate, the Scribe.
After the abstention period elapsed, Ryan went to see the priest in his private vestibule. "How did it go, my son?" the priest asked in a solemn but mildly authoritative voice.
"Well, Father for 29 days it was fine because my wife went to South Africa to see her family & I stayed here in Mauritius hacking into the VIPSU security systems. However, after my wife's
return on the 30th day, she was stooping over the freezer in a mini skirt & I simply could not resist the temptation of the devil that surged inside of me" Ryan replied sheepishly.
The priest was rather taken aback by the unexpected confession "Oh holy father in heaven" he exclaimed with exasperation, "Regardless of your admirable honesty, I just cannot allow
you back into church" Ryan looked askance at the priest & with expression of a guilty schoolboy replied candidly "If you think that is bad, Father, we are no longer allowed back
into Shoprite either".
There were sinners aplenty on this glorious Sunday & the R.A. wasted little time in issuing punishments to the following culprits-
Our trailmaster, Ryan, produced a profoundly Herculean performance by staying within touching distance of the front running megabores with the dreaded bell garlanded around his neck. He was nevertheless glad to shed the clanger to Edwige for her own Herculean effort of running the Hash for the first time in her history - one wonders whether she will have the will to run with the bell swathed around her person.
For those ardent fans in denial, Elvis did not really shuffle off this earth preferring to believe that he faked his own death to free himself from the unbearable pressures of fame. Over the years the King of Rock 'n' Roll has reportedly been sighted -
In which The Scribe asks a Hash member a series of questions that attempts to uncover a sequence of useless personal facts. It is with regret that the Scribe has to mention that the chosen subjects, Mr & Mrs. Cybermaster, Lord & Lady Russell chose not to indulge in this puerile & irrelevant misadventure, citing that they had no interesting answers to these futile questions. The Scribe did have a hunch that they were peerless exponents of tedium but frankly did not realize the extent of this malaise.
Not to worry though, the Scribe shook off his bitter disappointment, unlocked his initiative cabinet & got on the speed dial to his famous connections in the music industry to help him out in his hour of need. SO welcome to a very special Last Word with….drum roll…clashing of symbols….CHRIS MARTIN, husband of the luscious Gwyneth Paltrow & lead singer of stadia rock monoliths COLDPLAY
THE SCRIBE
The 2011/ 2012 team | ||
---|---|---|
Supreme Being: | Jean Ramiah | |
Hare Line + Trailmasters: | Ryan Leeds | |
Cellarmaster: | Gilbert | |
Hash Horn: | Giresh | |
Religious and Sex Advisor: | Steve | |
Ice Maiden: | Gaetan (For the moment) | |
Ha$h Ca$h: | Claudia Deputy: Jean-Paul |
|
Drinks for Wimps 'n Kids: | Also Gilbert | |
Hash Market: | Juliette Deputy: Marinette |
|
Edit Hare: | John Deputy: Kay |