Mauritius Hash House Harriers
Hash Trash 613 - Sunday 22 January 2012
|
|
Mauritius Hash House HarriersHash Trash 613 - Sunday 22 January 2012 |
|
We awoke to another spectacular dawn that signaled the last day of the Chinese calendar year & the eve of the Year of the Dragon. But before we could feverishly exclaim the famous words
"Enter the Dragon" whilst admiring oneself in the mirror tenaciously holding a disciplined Kung Fu pose wearing only a reinforced genital protector that faintly resembles a Sumo wrestler's
mawashi, we had to attend to the important business of the second Hash adventure of the conventional new year, courtesy of the highly acclaimed trailsetting trio, King Dodo Grihault and the
Bonnie & Clyde lookalikes, Leslie & Marie Claude.
In sumo parlance, they would be ranked as Yokozuna (Grandmasters), the pinnacle of the Japanese Sumo federation classification system; relative
amateurs at this highly prized skill, like the Scribe, could really only hope to achieve a lower order in the primordial scale such as a komosubi or sekewake.
Nevertheless, a healthy glut of avid Hashpersons were more than willing to step up to the plate and make the long journey to the rather secluded convention point several stones throw away
from the humble somnolent village of L'Escalier (but not as humble that it does not boast its own medical centre).
It may have been slightly unnerving to navigate the slightly overgrown
grassy trail to the On-On but the sight that greeted us on arrival could only be described as an idyllic niche that kissed the tempestuous coastline & probably was, to all intents & purposes,
a best kept secret outside of the local community.
The breathtaking view was worth the entrance fee alone with the wild, menacing waves battering the cliffs & rocks that define the
South Coast's archetypal, rugged coastline. If we are lucky maybe the Garden of Eden will be adorned with similar panaromic phenomena.
And the trail proved as flawless as we would have expected from our ace trailsetters twisting through small tracks, in silent forests & across trickling fjords, culminating in a special treat
over the rocks that fringed the coastline where the elastic-limbed Dodocop displayed the elan of a salivating baboon in the desperate quest for banana shaped foodstuffs.
The abundance of checkpoints & 2 Hash Halts kept the pack together whilst the walkers trail ensured that we did not have to wait long for the backmarkers to clock in.
We did have the improbably rare sight of the divine Mrs Farrow volunteering as key lady (Kay the Key Lady - could not resist the alliteration) on account of her fractured wrist. Indeed
as bad luck would have it, we did have an unfortunate casualty as Vincent's daughter, Julie, emulated Kay by breaking her own wrist after a heavy fall on a steep descent. Kay must surely
be the owner of some real unpleasant karma that is manifesting itself in the form of a curse.
Mrs Farrow, in act of redemption, did her best Florence Nightingale by giving her tourniquet
to the victim to protect & support her arm. Perhaps we should replace the cowbell with the tourniquet…..
Our three heroes were rightly acknowledged by the GM for a superbly worked trail & were each awarded the customary prize of a mightily deserved down down. The following roll call of first timers were then volunteered to introduce themselves to the assembled mass of the circle -
For a second week in succession second timers were not available for public humiliation & although our GM tried manfully (and unsuccessfully) to deceive Hari into taking the forfeit by proxy, he had to revisit the septic plastic urination vessel to complete his labour of lovelessness.
The Religious & Sex Advisor deviated slightly from his customary sermon by offering his attentive lambs his priceless wisdom in the form of an autobiographical cryptic allegory for the price
of a few minutes reverence & deference.
The pious one reminded everyone although alcoholic drink in its myriad guises could not conceivably be considered to be the choice beverages of the Gods,
even the most devout religious practitioner has been known to be tempted by the captive spell of the demon drink. He further elaborated that excess alcohol intake is becoming more & more of a
problem around the world no less so in Mauritius. He freely admitted that the previous weekend, he went to a public house in Port Louis with friends & was so swept aside by the conviviality
of the occasion that he had copious measures of liquid sherbets.
He quickly realized that he was over the legal limit for driving & decided that he should set an example by doing what
everyone should do in such hazardous circumstance….and that was to take the bus home. He happily reported that he arrived home unscathed which was a veritable surprise to him as he had
never driven a bus before & had no idea how he managed to get a hold of it in the first place. The revered Reverend then dished out down down to saints & sinners -
The Scribe must digress slightly (so what's new) to mention our R.A.'s supreme devotion to the duty of adding spice & intrigue to his marriage with the divine Mrs Farrow while she has been
nursing her wounded limb. She herself has admitted that her husband deserves to be included in the Queen's New Years Honours list for his contribution to domestic management in a transparent
hands- on capacity.
He has been faithfully following her colour by numbers instructions to clean the house & she no longer needs to remind him to fill the steam iron with water for a more
rewarding ironing experience. He even showed his versatility by serving up a three course meal served with a fine Bordeaux vintage.
It has been claimed in various publications that men
who do more housework get the incentive of more sexual favours from their spouses but it seems that a broken wrist has done the trick for Mrs Farrow. The Scribe would like to proudly proclaim
that The R.A. is legend of unimaginable magnitude…or a complete buffoon (it is obviously no coincidence that he supports Hull City).
Mrs Farrow is looking forward to her wrist healing
so that she can return to cross country competition in the hope of fracturing the other wrist. I just hope that the R.A. gets a reprieve on the 1st February.
Edwige elected not to walk the course this week in favour of performing child husbandry duties to her effulgent grandchild with the result that the cowbell remained in silent mode the whole morning. She however was not slow in awarding this fine piece of burnished metal to Perry on account of him harassing Grandma although she appeared diffident in elaborating on this vague statement. (The quiet ones are always the worst).
THE PEAK OF PERFECTION
You may recall an extremely affable Aberdonian gentleman by the name of Gary Morrison, a devout ultra marathonist & ultra masochist, visited Mauritius in June with his better half Vicky,
perhaps more sensibly a non ultra-marathonist -you may also recall that he was brandishing a strikingly colourful Action Hero tattoo on his right thigh.
They joined us for the infamous
Hell's Kitchen Hash at Chamouny that culminated in a brutal 2/3 kilometre uphill slog to base camp & that would probably have been a relaxed warm up session for our kid.
During the circle he announced that he was going to compete in a 330 kilometre "Tor De Geants" ultra marathon event in Italy thereby giving clear indications of his ultra psychotic nature.
Gary has since reported that he failed to meet a timed barrier a mere 15 km from the finish of the event & therefore was unable to complete the course. He added that his body just
shut down due to ultra fatigue brought by not taking in calorific reinforcement for 19 hours (maybe Vicky did not pack enough peanut butter & banana sandwiches in his Superman backpack).
Although bitterly disappointed by his performance, he decided not to be discouraged & further decided to declare himself a starter for an inaugural event called the Spine Race,
no less than a 430 kilometre non-stop 6 day winter ultra marathon race along the entire Pennine Way (general regarded as the backbone of England, hence the name).
Gary showed that he had learned from his aborted Italian job by coming home FIRST in a time of 152 hours thereby setting an official record for a winter Pennine Way run.
He surely must rank as a most fitting embodiment of the absolute glory of absolute madness.
He did report that feet have taken on the appearance of a couple of raw hamburgers
although he was quick to acknowledge that his triumph could not have been achieved without the unquivering support of his long suffering wife (ain't he just a sweetie….or
maybe 6a cowardly sycophant).
I am sure that I speak on behalf of all Hashers in congratulating Gary on his titanic achievement - and wish many more success in his sadomasochistic
events in the future. You can check out garyandvic.blogspot for a blow by blow account of his efforts or thespinerace.com for further reading.
THE LAST WORD
In which The Scribe asks a Hash member a series of questions that attempts to uncover a sequence of useless personal facts. It is with regret that, for a second edition running, the Scribe has to mention that the chosen victim, events organizer Mark has chosen not to participate in this super-intellectual challenge despite my salvo of mail reminders threatening him an subaquatic adventure in a cement duffel coat if he failed to deliver. The Scribe suspects that he has left the country by now.So, The Scribe did a svelte cerebral pirouette & quickly commandeered a most erudite replacement guest to sit in the inquisition armchair to muse over these teasing questions. It is with some pride that I introduce to you this week an interviewee who has been a dedicated member to the Hash since her very first breath. This cherubic & effervescent innocent is (probably) the youngest ever Hasher in recorded (or even unrecorded) history & the perfect candidate to do a one woman double act as the official Hash talisperson & mascot; so ladies & gentlemen let's get a little bit of SUMMER into our lives.
THE SCRIBE
| The 2011/ 2012 team | ||
|---|---|---|
| Supreme Being: | Jean Ramiah | |
| Hare Line + Trailmasters: | Ryan Leeds | |
| Cellarmaster: | Gilbert | |
| Hash Horn: | Giresh | |
| Religious and Sex Advisor: | Steve | |
| Ice Maiden: | Gaetan (For the moment) | |
| Ha$h Ca$h: | Claudia Deputy: Jean-Paul |
|
| Drinks for Wimps 'n Kids: | Also Gilbert | |
| Hash Market: | Juliette Deputy: Marinette |
|
| Edit Hare: | John Deputy: Kay |
|
